Unhealthy intimate relationships are probably the most dangerous and exhausting situations to cope with, especially if one is trapped in it and unable to get any support or protection. It is vitally important to be aware that both scenarios can occur in any intimate relationship, regardless of sex.
The reason why I’m writing a post about this, is for everyone in my Get up and Grow Community to get clarity on their own situations. One of the first vital steps to take when we get up from having been knocked down, is to call a spade a spade: Being able to name your experience (adversity / trauma / hardship / challenge) gives you power and permission to work with it. I invite you to consider what you read below and determine what, if anything, is true for you.
Intimate Terrorism is the use of a broad range of tactics (including violence) designed to acquire control over the other person in a romantic relationship. Intimate terrorists display an established pattern of controlling behaviour, such as:
Domination & Intimidation of a partner
Coercive Control & Threats
Attempts to control aspects of the relationship
Gaining power and control over a partner’s affairs
Non-violent control tactics such as isolation & alienation
Stalking
Emotional Abuse (Psychological Aggression)
Physical Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Financial Abuse
Use of children as a weapon in disputes
Situational Couple Violence is the reciprocal use of violence by one or both partners in a relationship, in an isolated incident. It is normally a specific situation that lead to violence and not an established pattern of control of one partner over the other. Partners in the relationship are not caught in a pattern of controlling behaviours, as is the case in intimate terrorism.
Neither one of the above scenarios are acceptable under any circumstances so acknowledge that what happened to you and/or what you did is or was WRONG and evaluate carefully before you assign a label to anyone or anything. We have to give our perceptions a reality check before we can extract the valuable lessons offered by our experiences.
Also Read Intimate Partner Cycle of Abuse