What happens when you realise that you were wrong? You made a mistake or perhaps you hurt someone?
Does it freak you out?
Are you so disgusted and disappointed that you beat yourself up about it until you fall into a deep dark hole of shame?
Or are you able to take a step back, have a good look at what you did, own it, apologise for it then go and work out how you are going to do better next time?
Whichever way we react when we’ve done something wrong, depends very much on the way we were raised and the responses or reactions we received when we made mistakes or did something that our caretaker(s) did not approve of. For example, if we get scolded harshly, called names, punished physically, sent to our room and isolated, rejected, affection withheld or even abandoned, we might take on a very strong belief that being wrong or making a mistake is extremely negative and the consequences are disproportionately severe, no matter what we did.
The result of this kind of treatment can be an irrational fear of being wrong and an unrealistic sense of being a bad, useless or evil person. Unless we have someone else in our lives who behave differently to teach us the contrary and balance out that belief with the knowledge that we all make mistakes, that it is perfectly all-right to be wrong sometimes and there are healthy ways to hold ourselves accountable, correct our errors and improve our behaviour, we hold on to that fear forever. In a healthy situation, all of this can be achieved without unfair judgement and shame.
Unfortunately, many of us grow up in abusive families, authoritarian education systems and generally people who were abused and neglected themselves as children, so we’re often stuck in a vicious cycle generation after generation. Breaking these cycles are tough, painful and often times a very lonely journey, but highly rewarding nonetheless. It takes only one person to do the hard personal work to break such cycles so that the next generation can heal and be free of it.
With any highly charged emotion, there is always an underlying issue to be uncovered. It is not something to be scared of, but rather something that I am here to guide you through, step by step. There is no winning recipe or generic action steps to be taken, but a curious discovery of your own unique make-up and the special way in which you can embrace it, learn from it, do some amazing growing and thrive.
Suggested Reflection: What is your experience of being wrong and how do you handle it? Perhaps you used to handle it in a certain way and now that you are learning and growing you might handle it differently?
Also Read Criticism is a Gift!