It’s a Fatal Attraction when we pair up with people who feed our limiting beliefs stemming from childhood trauma. Personal growth is inevitable and as soon us one or both parties get up and grow, they end up with resentment. These intricate relationships are born because we attract people who feed our insecurities and needs by default.
Let me explain. Someone who believes they always have to take care of everyone and be responsible for their well-being in order to be worthy, will seek out people who need to be taken care of and cannot do it successfully themselves. Being able to take care of these people will help them to feel useful, needed and indispensable so they finally feel safe in the worthiness. On the other hand, the person who constantly needs to be taken care of will be grateful, feel indebted to, become totally dependent on and eventually regard the caretaker as their hero or saviour. Initially, this arrangement can seem to work well for both parties, although neither one is living in a healthy situation, are they? It is certainly not ideal for one person to carry the burden of two people’s care and happiness. Similarly, it is not ideal for a dependent person to remain in that helpless state either, so both of them are going to slowly deteriorate in this relationship. As a result, they might reach burnout, depression, frustration, desperation, anger and resentment.
However, if one of the parties to this relationship realises one day that they are not living a healthy, fulfilling life, they might seek professional help, do some personal work, learn from it and change (grow). This is bound to leave the other party at a loss, for their insecurities are no longer fed and their needs aren’t met anymore. When that happens they feel dissatisfied, neglected, misunderstood, taken for granted, abandoned, unloved, threatened and unsafe. The one who learned and subsequently grew (changed), might feel trapped, held back, suffocated, unseen, unheard and no longer safe. Enters resentment and desire to fight, flee or even cheat.
In the event that both parties manage to do their work, learn from it and grow together, a new wholesome common ground can be found upon which they can heal their relationship in meaningful and inspiring ways. There will no longer be a need to always take care and be responsible for others and there will also no longer be a need to be helpless and cared for. A reciprocal loving and caring relationship can evolve between two healthy and self-worthy individuals.
Whichever situation you find yourself in, I am here to support and guide you through your own unique journey of self-discovery and growth.
Also Read Elements of Healthy Families