Losing a loved one to suicide is an unimaginable grief. The emotional aftermath can feel overwhelming, leaving family and friends grappling with profound sadness, guilt, confusion and even anger. This type of loss, often referred to as “complicated grief,” is distinct because it comes with questions that might never be answered. For those left behind, healing is a long journey, but it’s important to know that you do not have to walk it alone.
Here’s what you need to know and how you can navigate the complex emotions that follow a suicide.
Common Emotions After a Suicide Loss
The emotional rollercoaster following a loved one’s suicide can include:
– Shock and Disbelief: The sudden nature of suicide often leaves survivors in disbelief, unable to comprehend how or why it happened.
– Guilt and Regret: Many survivors experience overwhelming guilt, wondering if there was something they could have done to prevent it. It’s important to remember that no one is responsible for another person’s suicide.
– Anger: Feelings of anger, whether directed at the deceased or at oneself, are common as you try to make sense of the loss.
– Shame and Isolation: The stigma surrounding suicide can make survivors feel ashamed or embarrassed, often leading to isolation.
– Depression and Despair: The immense weight of the loss can result in feelings of hopelessness and depression. It’s vital to seek support during these times to prevent getting lost in despair.
Practical Tips for Coping with a Suicide Loss
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Grief is a natural response to loss and it’s important to allow yourself the space and time to mourn in your own way. There is no “right” way to grieve. Some days will be more difficult than others and that’s okay. Remember, healing doesn’t happen overnight.
2. Seek Support from Others
It can be tempting to isolate yourself after such a tragic loss but connecting with others who understand what you’re going through is essential. Seek support from friends, family or a grief counsellor. Support groups for survivors of suicide loss can also be incredibly healing, as they allow you to connect with others who have experienced similar pain.
3. Let Go of Guilt
It’s common to feel guilt after a loved one’s suicide, to think “I should have noticed the signs” or “I could have done more.” However, it’s important to remember that you are not responsible for their death. Mental health struggles, including suicidal ideation, are complex and many factors contribute to a person’s decision to take their own life. You did the best you could with the information you had at the time.
According to Dr. John Jordan, a grief counsellor who specialises in suicide loss, “It’s essential for survivors to understand that they’re not to blame. Their loved one’s decision was shaped by factors beyond their control.”
4. Talk About It
Though difficult, discussing the death with others can help lift the burden of carrying the grief alone. Whether it’s with a trusted friend, therapist or support group, talking about your loved one and your feelings surrounding their death can foster healing. In the words of Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a renowned grief expert, “When words are spoken, the silence of grief is broken.”
5. Focus on Self-Care
Grieving can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Prioritise self-care by eating well, getting adequate sleep and engaging in gentle exercise. It’s okay to take small steps toward caring for yourself, even if it feels difficult at first.
6. Create a Memorial or Tribute
Finding a way to honour your loved one’s memory can be a healing step. This could be through a simple memorial, a celebration of their life or creating a personal tribute like planting a tree or starting a charity fund in their name. It helps shift the focus from their death to their life and the positive impact they had.
7. Seek Professional Help
If the grief feels unbearable or if you find yourself struggling with suicidal thoughts of your own, it’s essential to seek professional help. Therapists who specialise in grief and trauma can help you process the complex emotions that accompany a suicide loss.
Supporting a Loved One Who Has Lost Someone to Suicide
If you know someone who has lost a loved one to suicide, offer them your compassion and understanding. Here are a few ways to provide support:
– Listen Without Judgment: Sometimes, just being there to listen can make all the difference. Let them express their feelings without trying to “fix” their grief.
– Avoid Clichés: Phrases like “they’re in a better place” or “everything happens for a reason” can feel dismissive. Instead, offer genuine empathy: “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.”
– Offer Practical Help: Grief can be paralysing, so offer to help with practical tasks such as cooking, cleaning or running errands. Sometimes the smallest gestures provide the most comfort.
Moving Forward: Finding Hope After Loss
The journey through grief after suicide is a deeply personal one and there is no set timeline for healing. For many, the pain never fully goes away but over time, it becomes more manageable. The key is to allow yourself to feel the pain, seek support and find ways to honour your loved one’s memory.
Above all, remember that you are not alone. In time, with the right support, it is possible to find hope, healing and even moments of joy again.
If you or someone you know has been affected by suicide, there are resources available to help. Reach out to a counsellor, join a support group or contact a suicide prevention hotline. Healing is possible and support is always available.